Totally listening to some sad songs

Sup.

God made me learn lessons the hard way.

Sorry readers, as much as I don't want to blog about Abraham, I have a gazillion things to blog about.

See, in the first place I guess it wasn't really his fault.

I only knew him for such a short period of time, I didn't get to know him better as a friend, what I knew of him was on the surface. Yet despite all these facts I still insisted on the relationship, despite words of advice, words of wisdom, I still clung on to the relationship like nobody's business. My closest friends told me to break free from this relationship the very first time I was hurt, but no I clung on like nobody's business.
I was stupid la.
But I've learnt my lesson the hard way now. More than ever, I'll never be able to trust anyone.

In sec4, I remember a period of time where I was so damn jealous of tingke I started to hate her.

I dedicated a portion of the song Thank You by Simple Plan to her.

Oh I have to blog about why I cleared things up with tingke and said sorry to her. I spoke to my friend about this hurt I was feeling and blah, he told me to apologise to her, for God, because God will be proud of me.

Anyway.

Just take out the sarcastic thank you in the lyrics and make the thank yous sincere.

I thought that I could always count on you
I thought that nothing could come between us two
We said as long as we would stick together
We’d be alright
We’d be ok

But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again

So thank you for showing me
That best friends cannot be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back

I wonder why it always has to hurt
For every lesson that you have to learn
I won’t forget what you did to me
How you showed me things I wish I’d never seen

But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back

When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.

I’ll be the one you miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back.

So thank you for lying to me,
So thank you for all the times you let me down
So thank you for lying to me,
So thank you your friendship you can have it back

Well, take your friendship back for now.

I think omg, the song's totally made for me.

The Bible says in Matthew 25,

Whatever you do for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

The question I'm pondering over is, to what extent?

Does it mean that every beggar we see on the streets that are capable of working to lead their lives, we have to give money to them? Personally when I see beggars on the streets who still can lead their lives normally, I don't give them money.

Does it mean that when we see buskers, we give them all that we have too? Because when we give them, we give to God as well. Does it mean that?!?!?

Does it mean that when our friends feels down, we sacrifice our time that were meant for other important things for that friend, even though we already have a very tight deadline to meet?

Does it mean that we be good Samaritans and volunteer for everything when the quota for groups are not met?

Reply personally to me or on my tagboard, wtv.

TYTYVM

Science is really reallly reallllly interesting.

The harder it gets, the more I don't understand, the more I get to marvel at God's awesome creations.
Actually sometimes I just memorise without understanding, maybe that's why I get such low scores. But it's normal to not understand righttt, because God is incomprehensible Himself.

Last Thursday I had a test but before that I had PEP and my friend prayed for me. In His prayer he said: "Let Jesslyn glorify You through her test."

Whaooo.

Have I ever mentioned that in sec4 my friend, Georgina told me that MYES (Mid year examinations), believe it or not, is a blessing from God.

Yay, exams. I feel so blessed to be able to take exams.

(head knowledge, time to say it with my heart, haha hypocrite. -_-)

Okay maybe not now, but I'll love exams, sooner or later.

Today, I was posed a question.

"Are you someone who takes failures very seriously?"

Why yes I am. But everyone fails rightt.

Just that the difference is I feel like dyinggg when I fail.

Why, God made us perfect, but sin had to creep in.

I felt really angry all of a sudden earlier.

I wanted to list down step by step all the things Abraham did to me that will make you readers gasp in horror.

Then, I went to facebook and did a very stupid thing. I had to remind myself of him again so I clicked on his name and ta-da his profile was open to the public again, why, I do not know. Attention seeker? Maybe.

So, I saw a picture of him with his arm around a girl.

Well, it may mean nothing much but the emotions stirred up within myself was amazing.

Even though I still care for Abraham, I mean duhh, I care for other people also, I know that this hurt isn't going away so soon and may I tell you this through my blog, no chance. 0%.

Not even 0.0001%. 0%.

I went to a friend's blog and I found this:

Guys are assholes. If you argue with him, you're hard-headed. If you're quiet, you don't care. If you call him, you're too clingy crazy. If he calls you, he says you should be happy.

If you don't love him, he'll try to win you. When you do love him, he leaves. If you don't **** him, you're a tease. If you do, you're easy. You tell him your problems, he says you're irritating. If you don't, he says you don't trust him. If you lecture him, you just want to argue. If he lectures you, it's because he "cares". If you break a promise, he doesn't trust you anymore. If he breaks it, it's because he had to.

If you cheat, he expects it to be over. IF HE CHEATS, HE WANTS ANOTHER CHANCE. Guys drink to forget about girls; girls drink to think back about the guy. When guys are in love, they become poor; when girls are in love, they become pretty. Guys can forget, but can't forgive; girls can forgive, but can't forget.

When guys are heart-broken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl; when girls are heart-broken, they try to find his characteristics in another guy. Guys wish to be her first love; girls wish to be his last.

No, I haven't really forgiven him yet. The hate is still circulating within me.

Oh my dear Godddddd teach me how to deal with this not in the worldly way plz.

However I'm normal already I guess. See me going bonkerz in school yay.

lalala -dies-

Death is the most defining characteristic of life.

When I die, I die to show people how much of a life I had.

God's Grace

I attended PEP today. PEP is kinda some cell group thing, except that I have it in school and it's under the poly branch of Singapore Youth for Christ.

Today's PEP was on God's grace. We shared when God's grace surprised us.

Most of us shared on how we strayed away from God and from church and God sent people to bring us back to Him.

But one stood out and I guess it really made sense.

My friend said everyday when he wakes up, it's God's grace. Every second of my life, it's God's grace!

In his words:

哦！还在leh！

3 seconds later..

哦！还在leh！

This is God's grace to him.

He goes on to mention that there are people dying every second but he's still alive here, heart pumping, not dead. God's grace. :D

My other PEP friend goes on to mention that it is really true when we sing THIS IS THE DAY, THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE.

I think God for people like them, I think sometimes they're really inspiring.

We wish you a merry Christmas

Do you know why we give presents during Christmas?

Because God gave us the best gift we could ever get. His Son.

I believe giving unto others and not expecting something in return is a symbolic act of what God did for us, and it's good that we do the same thing to others! :D

But when we give, duh we give something good and not like some letter from a fan to a korean pop star WRITTEN IN PERIOD BLOOD with pubic hair all over it. Tsk, some korean fans, really.

(LOOK, NO GENERALISATION. I TYPED SOME.)

_

I think I really like looking at trees. God's creation whee hee hee.

I WATCHED A MOTHER-TO-BE GIVING BIRTH ON MONDAY. Seriously, the thing just popped out like that AND DO YOU KNOW THAT OF ALL ANIMALS, HUMANS GIVING BIRTH ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS BECAUSE WE HAVE SMALL HIPS TO ENABLE US TO WALK ON TWO LEGS, SO THE FOETUS HAS TO SQUEEZE THROUGH THAT SMALL GAP. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH PAIN THE MOTHER HAS TO GO THROUGH.

MY MOTHER ROCKS, SO DOES YOUR MOTHER.

GO APPRECIATE HER TODAY.

I AM SO TOUCHED.

I am free to live for You, I am free

Everytime I'm reminded that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, I have an overwhelming urge to cry. It's just so touching that we, sinners are FREED FROM SIN thanks to Jesus.

I do feel a little shameful. There is Jesus, going through all the pain, nail pierced hands, crown of thorns, whipped back and here I am, happily sinning.

Sometimes I also feel that Jesus finds me annoying because "I am free to dance". I get the image of me happily and freely dancing in front of a dead Jesus when he's on the cross.

But He's alive now.

BUT STILL, I GET THE BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!! FEELING WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT. HOW CAN WE BE SO HAPPY WHEN SOMEONE DIES FOR US, FOR US TO GO TO HEAVEN. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. GOD'S LOVE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. IT'S SO NON-COMPREHENDING.

Actually now that I think of it, I wouldn't want to go to hell. Seriously, God is so awesome. That is why I thank Him and worship Him.

I'm so in love with Him.

Of course, I have my hypocrite moments too. But I think it's God's love that draws me back to Him again, that makes me realise my mistakes.